Voltron Power: Sloth Bear vs Wolfareen

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (AP) – Bears killed and ate a monkey in a Dutch zoo in front of horrified visitors, witnesses and the zoo said Monday. In the incident Sunday at the Beekse Bergen Safari Park, several Sloth bears chased the Barbary macaque into an electric fence, where it was stunned.

Sloth Bear: Now that I’ve tasted monkey, I’ll never be happy with the Purina Sloth Bear Chow ever again. I’ma gon’ eat everything in the zoo now, bitches!

Ether Gallery: Good God, look at the claws on that monster!

Wolfareen: Whoa, whoa, whoa! You’re all impressed because that bear ate a little monkey? I can take down a muffuckin elk, bitches! Don’t toy with the wolfareen!

Ether Gallery: Maybe they could put a safari park in the mall and throw the prison inmates in there. Let the sloth bears and the wolfareens have at them. And is it just us, or does that bear look stoned?

Sloth Bear: I ain’t fuckin’ wit’ you, Wolfareen. We on the same team. We fuck shit up. We like Voltron, yo.

Monkey (in hell): Being eaten fucking sucks.

Wolfareen: Word up, striped homey bear. Now gimme some of that monkey meat, yo. Elk’s all gamey and shit.

Sloth Bear: That monkey meat’s makin’ me feel muffuckin slothful. I ain’t got ‘nuff Voltron power to fuck shit up right now. And my stomachs is kinda startin’ to hurt now. Oww! Ow ow! Oww!

Monkey (in hell): Joke’s on you, bear. I been eating my own feces all day! Ha! Ha ha, I say! Ha!

Redneck Dawg: Assa won funnah munka. Ho Sloff Behz, sevza munka baws fah me?

Monkey (in hell): Baws? You can’t handle my baws!

Redneck Dawg: Awwww. Assa won mean munka. Funnah, but mean. Wemma snuffsa baws, munka! Wemma snuffsem!

Sloth Bear: Yo yo yo, I’ma be sick! Bleeurggghhhh!! Bleee-eck!!! Bleee-arrgghhh!!! Bleee-uccka chukka pukkka koffa koooffa hack! Hack! Hack! Gack!

Redneck Dawg: Awwww. Assa lotta munka pooks, Sloff Behz. Kinna hazzit?

Sloth Bear: I lied. I only want the Purina Sloth Bear Chow from now on. Wild meat disagrees with my disposition. You win, Wolfareen. You have true Voltron Power. I’m just a big ol’ bitch with claws.

Wolfareen: Told you so, you Ether Gallery pusstards. Now step aside and let a Wolfareen get to work. I see a caribou steak in my immediate future.

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Published in: on February 12, 2010 at 3:03 am  Leave a Comment  

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