Absinthe for Richie Muffinstuffer

Richie Muffinstuffer: Hey Overlords, is it true that absinthe is legal in the United States again? I’ve been reading about it all my life. I’m thinking it has to be even better for drugging and seducing attractive visitors than vodka, Robitussin and pomegranate cocktails, right? Who can tell me what it’s like? Money’s no object, obviously. Thanks!

Oscar Wilde (In Hell): I once remarked that “after the first glass, you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, which is the most horrible thing in the world.” From beyond the grave, I would amend this to say that seeing things are they really are is only the second most horrible thing in the world. The first most horrible thing in the world is the dramatic irony of exploding of syphilis contracted after a youthful liaison with a female prostitute after being imprisoned as the most infamous bugger of the 19th century. But, still, you get my point.

Mustapha Mond: I think living in Binghamton would be worse than that.

Oscar Wilde (In Hell): Right. I stand corrected. Absinthe is the third most horrible thing ever. After syphilis and Binghamton.

Mustapha Mond: Nah, I still might have to move it down the fourth place, behind syphilis, Binghamton and that awful Shallow Hal movie. That burns worse that a venereal disease ever could.

Oscar Wilde (in Hell): Oh, I dunno. Shallow Hal had a pretty weak script, but that Jack Black is kind of cute. Never mind that other awful movie about me that had me chasing that poncey Jude Law around, though. I like my boys rough, and with some meat on their bones. From the great beyond, I’m looking at you, O’Brien!

O’Brien: Alright! At least someone is!

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Published in: on March 5, 2010 at 4:13 pm  Leave a Comment  

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